carbonated joy

Who was your first crush?
I remember mine.
She had red hair…
She was barefoot most of the time…
She was older…
It was a forbidden love…
I was four years old.
She wasn’t actually real…
My first crush was on Wilma Flintstone.
I was pretty sure that she was my soulmate. Fred didn’t deserve her, he was a total Neanderthal.
I wanted to go to Bedrock and rescue her.
I know that sounds a little freaky.
Let me explain…
I am blind in my left eye. I have been since birth. There was a time, when I was four, that a very…ummm…compassionate eye doctor told my parents that I was faking it. He proposed that I was just acting half blind for attention, and that my eye wasn’t blind, just lazy. He had a…ummm…fantastic idea, He suggested that they should force me to use my sluggish eyeball. The solution seemed quite clear, put an eye patch on my right eye and then my left eye would kick in and start pulling it’s weight.
And so, my one good eye was covered by an eyepatch. I walked around like a two foot tall drunken pirate. I ran into walls and furniture. I fell down a lot. AND, I developed a very confusing first crush…with a cartoon. I guess there was something about her voice that was soothing to me. It awakened a great, albeit really weird, affection in me.I was smitten.
Then one day, my parents took pity on me and the eyepatch was lifted.
That changed everything.
I realized Wilma was pretty one dimensional.
I realized that we really didn’t have a future.

I suppose that this experience helped shape me, I am a pirate cartoonist (I make sure and wear the eyepatch on the right eye now, which for me is my left eye). Fruity Pebbles is one of my favorite cereals. AND, I learned that many times we “fall in love” with people, ideas, or things only because we really don’t see clearly. When the eye patch is lifted and we see the truth it changes things.
It can be embarrassing, but we move on.
When you find out that your first crush isn’t who you thought they were it can be…well…crushing.
Yabba Dabba Doo!

I don’t know if you heard, I’ve been kinda quiet about it. But, I have a Granddaughter. If you need proof, I can show you pictures (I have a few hundred on my phone). I can also show you the spit up stains on my shirts, OR I can show you the stretch marks on my heart…
My granddaughter is teaching me a lot, I thought it was supposed to be the other way around, but no. I’m learning some things all over again.
Henley holds my heart, she holds my attention, (she also likes to grab my beard).
She hold my imagination.
Even though she can’t speak, she has taught me much in about 7 weeks.

Some thoughts…
She really doesn’t have much to contribute other than cuteness. We don’t value her based on what she brings to the table. She is completely priceless simply because she is at the table!
She is helpless and totally dependent at this point. She is clueless about the future, she doesn’t have a 10 year plan. She, pretty much, lives in the moment.
She is confident in love. She is sure and secure when she is being held. The closer the better.
Sometimes I hold her so close I can feel her breath on my face, I’m sure she can feel my breath, I’m glad she can’t complain about my nasty coffee breath yet.
She seems to recognize my voice, it seems to soothe her, sometimes it makes her smile.
If she needs something she simply (and loudly) cries out for it. She cries out for sustenance, she realizes her need for change. She knows no pride. Nothing keeps her from crying out for help.

Jesus told us we must be “born again”. Second birth? I’m getting a grip on what that might mean as I’ve watched Henley experience life for the first time. To be born again is to take it back to the most basic of basics, to remember some things.
I’ve been reminded that I am dependent. I am helpless without God. I realize that I can’t earn his love, I’m valuable to Him simply because I am His child. Even (or especially) after 5 decades on this planet, I find myself clueless about what the future holds, Sometimes I find myself shaking and insecure. I’m learning to trust Him in the midst of the moment and to give Him my tomorrows. I am sure about the One who holds me and His great love for me. I have to get rid of the foolish pride that would keep me from leaning into that love.

A prayer…
O Father, Hold me because I’m shaking and helpless on my own.
I am afraid…
And sometimes I cry…
I cry out for sustenance, I cry out for change.
Help me.
You hear my cry, pick me up and swaddle me in love, grace and peace. You give me joy.
O Father, Hold me so close that I can feel your breath on my face.
I want to look into your eyes and be soothed by the sound of your voice. Your voice cuts through the confusion and makes me smile.
You love me.
I cling to you.

Mark Twain is one of my heroes. I feel a real connection with him. Maybe it’s the fact that we both married women from Keokuk, Iowa, maybe it’s the white facial hair. Maybe, I just really like the way he wrote and thought. I do think that if we had known each other, we could have created some serious mischief together!

I love a good sandwich.
I think the secret to a good sandwich is in the ingredients. I want a lot of meat, cheese, tomatoes, pickles, chopped lettuce and mayonnaise.
And I want salt and pepper sprinkled on top.
I’m a fan of lots of flavor.
The problem is that you can’t really just eat a big handful of salami and provolone.
Things will get messy!
You need something to hold it all together.
You need bread.
It’s true of lunch, it’s true of life…

Jesus replied, “I am the bread of life”. (John 6:35)

So chew on this, MAYBE, just maybe when Jesus said “I am the bread of life”, one thing he meant was life is like a big sandwich.
There are so many ingredients. You have a lot going on! There is family, work, school, relationships, medical problems, mortgages, student loans, unexpected hurdles, it can get pretty crazy!
In the sandwich shop of life we all have the lettuce of love, pastrami of pain, and mustard of the mundane.
It can get messy!
You really need something to hold it all together!
You need bread!!
Jesus is the bread of life.
He can hold the sandwich of your crazy life together.
Too often we throw all the messy ingredients of our life on the table. And then we think we can get a grip on all of our stuff by ourselves.
We put ourselves on a spiritual gluten free diet.
That’s a lot of Bologna!
We need bread.
Bread holds everything together.
Jesus is the bread of life.
Life is a sandwich.
So, go ahead, live a big interesting life full of flavor.
But, wrap it all up in Christ.
He is the ultimate sandwich artist!

Because I love hockey AND I love Nashville, I’m shamelessly jumping on board the smash wagon!

25 years ago we graduated from Bible College

That’s when the real education began!
Here are just a few of the real life lessons that I’ve learned since then…

I’ve learned I don’t know hardly as much as I thought i did.

I’ve learned it’s better to master humanity than hermeneutics.

I’ve learned the titles that really matter…
Friend of God, Husband, Dad, Grandpa, Lover of people.

I’ve learned that being a big deal isn’t really a big deal. It’s better to just be yourself and make the most of the small stuff.

I learned that the friendships I forged at school are much more valuable than the degree I barely earned. If you were my friend then and you are reading this now, I’m talking about you. Thank you for being my friend then AND now. It is priceless.

I’ve learned that sometimes church people can be really mean, and sometimes people who have never stepped into a church can be really kind.

I’ve learned that the family was created before the church for a reason.

I learned that “judging a book by it’s cover” almost always backfires.

I’ve learned that faith is more about trust than certainty. I’ve learned that the moral high ground is a lonely place to live, at the end of the day you may be right, but you haven’t changed anything.

I’ve learned that I am enough because I am held in the grip of a fierce love that can’t be earned or erased.

I’ve learned over and over that God is unceasingly good, unbelievably creative, and undeniably more than I was led to believe.
He also has a pretty awesome sense of humor.

Nobody is sure of the day or the hour when the BIG trucks came to town. They came storming in, clouded in a fog of gas fumes.
Once upon a time, the BIG trucks were a practical matter, driven only by ranchers, farmers and construction workers. But now, it seems like that 90% of vehicles on the road are BIG trucks.
They are everywhere.
Why are there so many of them?
What is the secret message of the BIG trucks?Are they about status, statement, or security? Are they about competition or convenience?
They are hardly harmless.
They often take up two parking spots.
Their size intimidates lesser vehicles, driving the compacts and hybrids off the road.
It’s personal for me.
They tailgate me with their BIG grills, completely clean mud flaps, and gigantic bumpers, it makes me twitch with freeway fear.
It gives me road rash.
Because, you see, there’s more to this story.
A BIG truck once murdered my beloved small car. It was brutal and unprovoked.
Maybe that’s why I’m a little angry.
Or maybe I’m just bitter since I can’t reach the pedals on a BIG truck.
All I know is that things changed the day the BIG trucks came to town.
We all got a little smaller.
BUT…
If I need to move some stuff, guess who I’m going to call.

Hello, my name is Moonpie McLovemuffin, at least that what the man with the fuzzy face keeps calling me. He seems excited about me. He just won’t quit smiling, EVEN after I threw up in his face fuzz. That was an accident.
Anyway, It’s nice to meet you!!
At this point I’m meeting EVERYBODY. I’ve only been here for a short time, you are probably wondering what’s it like to be new?
I’m trying to figure that out myself.
I just remember suddenly BEING.
I can recall a little. I remember darkness, and warmth, and a great struggle, and light.
I somehow seem to remember a new, yet oddly old and familiar Voice whispering to me “take courage new one, you got this. It will be hard and confusing and wild and wonderful. I’ve crafted you for this, I’m with you”
Then I remember exhausted sounds of celebration.
My job seems to be pretty easy at this point, I sleep and eat every few hours and I poop…ALOT!
But life is more complicated than that. I’m learning…like EVERYTHING!! Literally.
Everything is pretty blurry right now. But, I really like color and music makes me feel happy all over. I like how the pink blanket feels on my skin.
All the faces are new to me.
I seem to have a group of people who seem really fond of me, it’s a “family”.
It’s like they are my tour guides to this strange new place.
I spend the most time with the Mom. When, I focus real hard I can see that her eyes are tired but really kind. I love it when she sings to me.
Then there’s the Dad, I feel safe when I’m with him. I’ve already pooped on him twice! THAT was funny!!
I met all the grandparents, they are clearly party people! We are going to have some fun. I ALSO know now where to go when I want something.
I have a GREAT grandpa and two GREAT grandmas, I guess they are called “great” because they waited for me longer than anyone else.
There is a big hairy one in my family. He makes a loud booming noise all the time. It doesn’t bother me, I’ve heard it for a while. He seems to enjoy some of the smells I make. He likes to kiss my face, that tickles. I don’t have a problem with that. He sometimes tries to take my binky, I DO have a problem with that!!
I don’t like to complain, but the stuff in my bottle seems to be a bit bland. It seems like I’m the only one drinking that stuff. The others eat something they call “pizza”, that definitely smells more interesting.
Oh yeah, guess what else I got…
FINGERS!!!
They are AWESOME!
I can already do some pretty cool things with them. I don’t want to brag, but I have already mastered jazz hands and I can do amazing karate chops.
I don’t know what to do with my feet yet, I feel compelled to suck them.
This world seems like a pretty large wonderful place. I can’t wait to discover everything.
I’m going to work hard to make sure that new never gets old.
I will get back to you soon.