I lean.

Posted: April 3, 2019 in Postcards from Cancerland.


I lean.
Just got home from the oncology clinic and I realized the obvious…I lean.
When I make a valiant effort to walk right now, I wobble and look for the next wall.
I lean.
So I take desperate measures to stay upright.
It’s humbling, but so is falling down.
Diana even found a really cool, rustic looking wooden cane with deer antlers.(she tried to get a Pirate walking stick but couldn’t find one). My Dad would be so proud that I carry dear antlers around.
The cocktail of chemo drugs, fluids, and steroids have made me really weak and wobbly the last few days. Our beagle keeps trying to knock me down like a bowling pin in the hallway, she thinks it’s funny.
I’m foggy brained and I’m pretty sure I couldn’t pass a fourth grade standardized test right now.
I lean.
I’ve realized that if we are smart, we all lean.
We all find a crutch.
We all have  a tendency to wobble and fall.
We aren’t nearly as strong as we think we are.
We stumble through life. It has nothing to do with gnarly drugs.
We have a natural, built in decency to need…to lean.
Nobody gets through the hallway alone.
We were made to need our Maker.
He’s BIG enough for us all to fall into.
He holds us during our wobbly times.
I lean.
And right now, if you don’t mind I’m going to lean into a big, leather recliner.

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