Present.

Posted: January 14, 2019 in Postcards from Cancerland.

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As I wait for the next part of the fight to start…

I take a deep breath…

and I wonder and I wander.

I have gripped my wife’s hand and prayed in the night.

I’m surrounded by so many incredible people who are praying hard for me. 

We all cry out for healing. 

It hasn’t come yet.

I don’t know why. 

We don’t give up. 

We keep raising our voices and hands to heaven. 

But, I wonder…

As I approach Him, I realize that I’m a little like a kid approaching my dad after a business trip. 

I run up to my father, without greeting or gratitude and I shout out…

“What did you bring me Daddy?!?”

I become more interested in presents than presence. 

And once again I miss the point.

I believe He can heal me.

I believe that He will.

BUT, that can not be why I follow Him.

“What did you bring me Daddy?” must become “Just hold me Daddy.”

I desperately want and need healing, but I can’t follow Him for the stuff He does. 

I should desperately want and need HIM…that should be enough. 

Just being with the infinite One is infinitely more than I ever deserve. 

It is enough just to be with Him and being His.

Everything else is just gravy on the biscuit. 

I have the attention and affection of the Eternal One. 

That’s a BIG deal. 

A few days ago, when we got the latest news and plan, I also got a text from a friend. He didn’t know what was going on, he had woken up with me on his mind and and a Bible verse on his heart. He shared this sweet message from God with me…

“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.

Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you.

I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”

(Isaiah 41:10 NLT) 

The promise that God is present.

He is holding us up.

It will be alright.

I totally believe that healing is coming.

But…

While I wait, I’m holding His strong right hand and basking in His presence.

He has already been so good to me. 

Healing will come, it will be pure gift.

It will come from the hand of God.

I honestly can’t wait. 

But, the ultimate gift is the pure presence of the Eternal One. 

In that presence I find peace and joy. 

As I wait for the next part of the fight to start…

I take a deep breath…

and I am consumed by wonder. 

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