Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category
Whether you are facing zombies or just having a really bad day, fight back with JOY.
Posted: June 28, 2018 in Uncategorized
When I was growing up there was a roller skating rink in my hometown called Skate Ranch. It was a great place for a seventh grader to spend a Saturday afternoon. It was a big metal building that smelled like socks, pretzels and carpet cleaner. There was loud music and greasy food and girls!
My mom would give me five bucks and drop me off in her Dodge Dart.
And I would hit the rink…literally.
I was never a great skater, or even what you might call a mediocre skater.
I fell down ALOT.
But I tried!
I would try to skate around the rink at least once, usually to the beat of Wango Tango by Ted Nugent.
I had my own unique skating style.
It was called the “wobble and cling”.
I was ridiculously wobbly as I clung to the wall. Then after one painful lap, I would head for the concession stand to consume nachos and an Icee.
There were usually skate parties happening, I was almost never invited.
There were certain things that happened every Saturday…
They would turn down the lights, turn on the big disco ball and have the couple’s skate.
I never had the confidence to actually dance with another human being, so THAT is when I would hit the pinball games. I left my skates on because I was self conscious about my dirty socks. Playing the KISS pinball game with skates on was tricky!
The couple’s skate never lasted long. Usually, the length of one Barry Manilow song.
Then the REAL fun would start, the games!
There was one rink game where you picked a corner and the rink attendant would roll some huge pink fuzzy dice. That was fun, but we were all waiting for the king of the rink.
The game that was as fun to watch as play.
Eventually we would be rewarded as the attendant with the tight referee shirt and whistle would come out with two poles and a stick.
It was FINALLY time for the King of all skate rink games…LIMBO!!
The rules were simple, you had to go lower and lower to get underneath the stick without touching the stick or hitting the ground.
The challenge was to see how low you could go.
The song would start with a calypso beat…
“Every limbo boy and girl
All around the limbo world,
Gonna do the limbo rock
All around the limbo clock,
Jack be limbo, Jack be quick
Jack go unda limbo stick…”
Skaters would pass under the stick, if you made it, you moved to the next round, until finally someone would do the backward splits and win the game.
I was never really good at limbo. You might think that because of my natural proximity to the ground that I might be. I mean I start low, right?, how hard can it be for me to go a little lower.
Turns out, it’s pretty tricky.
For starters I was on skates.
Second, I have no real sense of balance even without wheels on my feet.
I was always out by the second round.
The only reason that I ever even attempted limbo was to get the attention of someone that I liked.
This always backfired.
I would be showing off for that cute girl, and suddenly, she got to witness me splitting my toughskin jeans.
Awkward.
I never became the king of the limbo stick.
But, that’s alright, because, the limbo king is a friend of mine.
Jesus is the undisputed limbo king.
That’s right, man!
Jesus is amazing at limbo AND He does it for the same reason as me!
God stoops to get the attention of someone He likes…YOU!
“The WORD became flesh and blood and moved into the neighborhood.” John 1 (MSG)
Jesus is the God who goes low because of love.
He does everything he can to come into our world to let us know that we are known and loved.
He goes low.
How low can He go?
He stooped down to the point of becoming one of us, He experienced all of the hopes and hurts of being human.
How low can He go?
He became a completely dependent baby. The Creator was carried and cared for by the creation.
How low can He go?
He grew up subject to earthly parents and authorities.
How low can He go?
He hung out with a group of misfits, outsiders, and weirdos. He made it clear there was a place on the skate rink for EVERYBODY.
How low can He go?
He died a horrible death on a stick on a pole.
He turns the game upside down.
Suddenly, low is high, last is first…
How high can He go?
He beat death.
How high can He go?
He started the greatest skate party of all time.
How high can He go?
He invites us ALL to the party, even when we can’t skate, even when we have dirty socks.
God stoops down low to get the attention of someone He loves.
Jesus is the God who goes low because of love.
He is the King.
Start up the disco ball!
Noodles, Noodles, Everywhere!!
(a true story from the Moonpie Chronicles)
My name is Moonpie McLovenugget, and I am one.
I now own nine teeth, and that makes life more fun.
I get to eat things like chicken nuggets, strawberries, and oatmeal creme pies.
Not long ago I only ate chalky formula from a bottle, SO I’m really glad that time flies.
I’m pretty sure that my Gi Gi just gave me a bowl of MAGIC noodles,
Because somehow a few noodles became oodles and oodles.
I have fistfuls of long stringy pasta that I’m just flinging around.
They go everywhere, all over the dog, on the walls and the ground.
They’re on my face, and in my hair,
Noodles, Noodles, Everywhere!
Look! noodles are under there!
(Wait, under where?)
HA! I made you say underwear!!
There are thousands of noodles hiding there,
Underneath my sticky high chair.
Maggie the Wonder Hound loves it when I eat.
She takes her place right underneath my seat.
She catches all the food that I toss and drop on the floor.
She noisily gulps it all down and then begs for more.
You would think that the big sloppy mess would make my GiGi frown.
But, she winks and smiles, because she likes having me around.
This lovely little shrubbery was planted in our yard before we moved in.
It seems that landscapers had carelessly planted it in a place that wasn’t healthy.
They had one job to do, and that was all that they cared about. Get the plant in place.
But, they put the plant in a precarious place.
This type of shrubbery requires as much shade as sun. But the landscape crew planted it in a place where it got way too much, nonstop direct sunlight.
It really didn’t have a chance.
It started to droop.
We noticed it didn’t look good.
We watered the shrub a few times.
But it didn’t make it.
It died a slow, ugly plant death.
It turned grayish brown and crackly. A bird built a little nest and spiders built some webs in the dead limbs.
It was dead.
One day, I decided it was time to get rid of the deadness.
I was going to get it out of the yard and transplant it to the trash can.
I found my nasty old garden gloves. I grabbed the tree at its scrawny base and I grabbed it, I pulled and yanked.
Then I shook it…violently.
I was trying to uproot it.
I couldn’t do it. The roots were too deep.
I just shook it up.
I think I might have made it a little crooked.
But the roots wouldn’t budge and I walking away, vowing to return with a shovel or a backhoe.
But then, I got distracted, and I forgot about the shrub.
After all, it was just a little ugly crooked bush.
AND, for ALL of last year, it was undeniably dead…dingy…dry…done.
But then something impossible happened…
Resurrection.
A while back, we noticed green.
It was there, undeniable, unexpected.
It was spreading…
LIFE in dead places!!
AND, now this summer, the shrub is ALIVE!!
I don’t know what happened, maybe the shaking brought it back to life. Maybe new life requires a shake up.
Resurrection happens.
But, It ONLY happens in dead places.
What about you?
Do you feel ALIVE?
Or do you feel like you are dingy…dry…done?
Are you looking at some dead dreams, relationships, situations?
Know that your roots run deep.
But, maybe you need a shakeup.
You need the impossible to be shaken loose.
Listen…
“Lazarus, come forth!”
Bloom again!
Life is coming to the dead places.
“there will come a time when you believe everything is finished, that will be the beginning.” – Louis L’amour
OLE, OLE, OLE…OK?
I remember when soccer came to Oklahoma.
Back, when I was a kid, we knew nothing about soccer.
Oklahoma was a state that LOVED football…
just the kind of football that you throw around with your hands.
But then, sometime in the late seventies, the Sooner state somehow fell in love with “that other football”.
There was even a professional team, the Tulsa Roughnecks. They were pretty good and they had a cool logo (it was a burly looking cartoon oil worker wearing thigh high soccer shorts).
Suddenly, soccer was cool!
And suddenly, youth leagues were starting up all over.
My parents decided I should try soccer. After all, It could help develop my nonexistent motor skills and eye hand coordination…right?
I remember wearing the scratchy uniform ever, it was made out of some weird polyester – burlap blend. It caused instant chafing, that was fun! The uniform was red and white…so was the chafing.
I wore plastic shin guards that came up to my waist because my legs were so short. That made things a little awkward. I ran like Darth Vader on cough medicine.
I don’t remember actually kicking the ball, I DO remember falling down a lot.
Incidentally, “FIFA” was the breathy sound that I made as I hit the ground and the air got knocked out of me.
Because, I spent so much time on the ground, I took a few cleats to the face…that was no bueno.
I don’t remember the taste of victory, I DO remember the taste of freshly cut grass.
Instead of the World Cup, I just wanted a big cup full of root beer from the tastee-freez after the game.
After one not so beautiful season, I added soccer to my long list of athletic non-accomplishments.
I participated long before anybody thought about giving out participation trophies.
I know that some people love soccer and I lift my barely used shin guard to them and say “ole!”, but for me, soccer was a kick in the head…literally.
I almost killed a wild turkey this morning…
with my car.
I was on the way to work, driving along unsuspectingly, when there he was!
He came from my blind side, I suddenly saw it trying to run across the street.
He was quite plump and he was jogging in a herky jerky spastic style, I immediately thought “WOW! that’s what it looks like when I try to run.” Except that I’m much slower.
Then, right before he ran into my Kia, the turkey took off in very awkward flight, he was frantically flapping his wings and flipping his feet for leverage. It really looked like the wild turkey had been drinking Wild Turkey.
THEN…at the very last second, just before the gobbler became part of my windshield…
awkward became agile!
The wild turkey took off in wild, beautiful flight.
I’m so glad!!
I would have felt REALLY bad about hitting him.
The wild turkey would have felt worse.
It can save a life when awkward becomes agile and we suddenly take off.
Fly turkey fly!
We are smack dab in the middle of race weekend in Charlotte.
It’s a pretty big deal…it’s even kinda sacred. Thanks to some very cool friends, we are going to the races. (Thank you Daniel and Aryn!! You guys are awesome!!)
We love the races!!
There is absolutely nothing like a live race.
It is a special flavor of fun…
The fans, the fumes, the funnel cakes!!
We arrived in record time. We parked about 12 miles from the track and we walked into the redneck promise land.
THESE are our people!
We were swept up in a big perfectly imperfect wave of beautiful humanity. There are so many interesting sights, sounds and smells.
There is always a crazy sense of community as people brag about their favorite driver and talk a little smack about other drivers.
I’m a Kyle Busch fan so I always attract a lot of unsolicited advice and hand gestures.
(People have thrown boiled peanuts at me and spilled beer on my daughter who I had excitedly bought a #18 shirt for and then I made her wear it to her race a few years back…she was very…um…thankful.)
It’s all good fun.
Even though you have “your driver”, you’ve got to realize that racing is a pure team sport. There are a crew and a crew chief and hardworking people back at the shop. There are people at the track making sure that the motor magic happens. It is an incredible example of teamwork.
We walked around outside and got free cups, stickers, and shirts. We had the opportunity to visit a time share for a “free” weekend. We could buy caps and koozies. It is always such a blast just to see the exhibits and vendors outside the track.
Then we went in, walked up the grandstand and found our seats.
There is truly not a bad seat at Charlotte Motor Speedway, I can safely say that because I have sat in a lot of them!
The drivers were introduced.
The National Anthem was beautiful and downright soul stirring.
And then the moment arrived…
The 4 most famous words in motorsports…
“DRIVERS
START
YOUR
ENGINES!!”
The cars started and you could feel the thunder!!
I have to confess that today, when I felt the rumbly in my tumbly caused by the stock cars as they ignited, I got a little misty eyed and it wasn’t just the gas fumes.
It was the awe inspiring convergence of cars, community, and corndogs.
It is a wonderful, Sunoco drenched thing.
Stock car racing is the true beautiful sport.
So many people just don’t get it!
NASCAR is a sport that is wide open.
Even, the metal seats at the speedway are wide-opener than the seats at most sporting events, as a chunky little brother I appreciate that!
There was a rain delay, but we didn’t let that rain on our parade. It was just an excuse to sit next to my best friend and eat beef jerky and chick-o-sticks. The big trucks that dried the track made a low, wheezing noise that at first sounded like bagpipes playing Amazing Grace, but after about 49 seconds, they sounded like an irritated, constipated goat.
After about an hour, the track was dry and we got to hear the cars start again…AHHHH!
They finished up.
There were a few wrecks, several cautions, and one dude in front of us seriously destroyed a massive turkey leg.
My driver didn’t win tonight…sometimes that happens.
Brad Keselowski won and did a very impressive burnout. We have some mutual friends who say that Brad is a really good guy, so I’m happy for him and his fans.
We walked out tonight of the speedway next to Michael Waltrip, who is about 3 feet taller than me. 3 and a half feet if you count his very cool hair. The man is evidently a multitasker because AS he was walking, he was eating pizza off of a briefcase. It was quite impressive.
We will be back tomorrow, ready to feel the thunder and enjoy everything that comes along with it.
BOOGITY BOOGITY BOOGITY.
carbonated joy 