It has been a crazy few days…
At one very vulnerable moment I’m pretty sure that my hospital bed was possessed. As I was sitting in my room, my bed started moving on its own….no SERIOUSLY! It went as high as it could and then the foot end went higher, the head went down. It was like the world’s slowest mechanical bull.
And I was trapped!
I finally managed to grab my nurse call box.
The nurse came in and just started cracking up.
I had a procedure to see what was causing the internal bleeding. The anesthesia that they sprayed in my mouth tasted like a Walgreens receipt dipped in an ash tray. When I said that to the surgical crew nobody cracked up, laughed or even smiled. They just looked at me like I was weird.
Everything seemed to be getting better, but then I started throwing up blood again.
That can ruin a party pretty quick.
So at two o’clock Monday morning we were transported to the downtown hospital.
I was admitted into the ICU, which is evidently like fight club, there are rules. My nurse informed me that nobody wears underwear in ICU as he looked in disdain at my colorful boxer briefs. Since then countless people have viewed me without my colorful boxer briefs.
At one point, I had so many IVs that it looked like I had noodles growing out of my arms.
I had another procedure where they went through my leg to find the culprit and were able to stop the bleeding.
Since then I have been monitored and taken some incredibly nasty tasting meds. My doctor just came in my room and said “well…it seems like it worked.”
So the plan is to move us to a regular room, maybe on a floor where they wear underwear.
They just brought me my breakfast, it’s green jello!
carbonated joy 