Mr Toad’s Wild Ride.

Posted: March 10, 2019 in Postcards from Cancerland.

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About midnight on Friday night, a car hit a transformer in our neighborhood.
That was the beginning of the wildness.
Suddenly our entire neighborhood was without power.
We were left in the dark.
We didn’t realize that we were in the darkness, we were sleeping.
Then…suddenly…Diana’s phone went wild. There were bells and whistles and it was super loud.
There was no incoming caller. The phone was just going wild.
We both sit up in the dark at the same time.
Diana grabbed for a flashlight, I felt weak and…a little wet.
She shined the flashlight in my face a gasped “WHAT IS ON YOUR FACE?!!”
Turns out…
I was spitting up blood.
That is where it gets wild…and…gross.
We tried to stumble, in the dark, to the bathroom.
We barely made it through the bathroom door and I passed out. I was sprawled in a twisted, yoga position.
I woke up to hear my scared wife talking to Lincoln County 911. EMS and the fire department came, in the dark, and loaded me up. They were awesome!
I got to take my first ambulance ride.
It wasn’t what I expected, I didn’t get to play with the siren.
My blood pressure was super low.
Most of my counts had taken a dive.
We got to the ER and I started getting wild amounts of fluids.
I’ve gotten four bags of blood so far. That seems to help, I’m not pasty white. I’m more of a pale taupe.
They ran a bunch of tests yesterday, we still have no answer.
I’ve been poked and prodded and, at one point, percolated.
I’ve been told “lay perfectly still on this table for eighty four minutes, do not move as we take these nuclear images!” Yep, you read that right! Nuclear images!!!
I can’t eat or drink ANYTHING!!! But, I’m saving a ton on delicious hospital food.
I received one IV that made it feel like the entire Panthers offensive line was standing on my arm.
I’m going to have a procedure today where they “go down” my upper GI track and see what they find. We will keep you posted.
As a kid I thought that a GI track was an accessory for my GI JOE  action Jeep.
I’m laying here in bed, in my green hospital issued mini dress, wondering why can’t things be simple for us?
Why things gotta be so wild?
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