Posted: October 2, 2018 in Postcards from Cancerland.


I’m living in the aftermath of treatment week number four.
My senses and sensibility have come crashing down.
It has been a collision of confusion, pain, and sleepless nights. (Yup, it’s like high school all over again!)
I haven’t really been able to think straight. I’m foggy brained.
I’m very clumsy right now, I stumble around like a disoriented sloth. This morning I almost fell down and wiped out during my forty seventh trip to the bathroom in three hours.
There have been random cramps and muscle pain. I have felt the sudden jolt of a pain in my shoulder and the sour thud of forgetting what I just said.
Things has tasted like bad Chinese food wrapped in an old bathrobe.
Water tastes like thick blah flavored bullion.
It’s been big fun.
I have felt the crunchy crash of the chemo.
In fact…
I’ve felt like a crash test dummy.
Okay, i realize that I’m a disproportionate crash test dummy, a chunky one with very short legs. But, still I feel like I’ve been knocked around.
It’s been a little bumpy.
But, in the crash, here is what holds me in place…
Love is a giant airbag.
It catches me.
It comforts me.
It breaks my fall.
If things are crashing down, the single greatest thing I can do is to simply surrender to the raw momentum of pure love.
Love breaks the fall.
I have found during this crunchy seasons, that love gets inflated.
It catches me in it’s grip.
We have seen that this week…
During this whole adventure, I have felt the love of God like never before.
I feel like my relationship with Him has been inflated.
I know Him better than I ever have.
I’ve leaned into the airbag.
I’ve also felt the life giving pushback of the love of others.
We have received countless prayers, encouraging words, sweet cards, and thoughtful gifts.
They have reanimated this crash test dummy!
I’ve felt the love.
It’s pushed against my soul letting me know I am protected.
Love has crashed down and I will never be the same.

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