I woke up feeling it, the suddenly explainable knot in my stomach. I’ve been feeling it for a while and blaming it on stress. Now I know it’s something else.
It’s biopsy day and we are driving downtown.
We find ourselves waiting in Charlotte traffic.
Today, I put on my JOY REBEL t-shirt, I’m pretty sure that it gives me superpowers, and I bravely march into the hospital like a big boy.
It was a super complicated maze just to check in. We went to about seven different desks, talked to several helpful medical professionals, and finally ended up at a brightly colored kiosk. Then we were sent to two different waiting rooms.
We find ourselves waiting.
Waiting rooms are interesting places full of stories that have been put on hold.
It’s a community of “the waiting”.
Nobody likes to wait. Nobody wants to be there.
So you kill your time with old magazines and home improvement shows on the fuzzy television.
I think it would be better if they showed nonstop old Marx Brothers movies.
Our friend Brenda was waiting with us, she is awesome.
After waiting for a while I was taken back for the ultrasound biopsy and told to hike up my shirt.
I got the goop on my belly. I saw the Doppler radar screen. But, It turns out that I have mischievous bowels, they kept getting in the way. They don’t see a straight shot to the belly bully.
So we were moved to another waiting room to wait for a cat scan biopsy.
(Is it really a surprise to anyone that I have ornery body parts?)
I was taken back for the cat scan and told to drop my cargo shorts.
Through this process, I’m getting used to people calling me Luther as I tell them my birth date over and over again.
I’m also getting over some body issues, I will now basically drop my cargo shorts in front of any stranger that asks.
I laid on my side and got pictures taken of my insides again.
they were still unsure about sticking a big needle in my gut.
So we waited to talk to another doctor for a couple of hours who had a plan to outwit my intruding bowel. It worked, I laid on my belly as they stuck a needle as big as a pixie stick into my back and sucked out four chunks of the ugliness.
The samples have been sent to the lab and we wait to find out the legal name of my belly bully.
That is the first step in kicking his ass.
And so we find ourselves waiting…
carbonated joy 