(A short talk about what I’ve learned from the Flintstones.)
From the town of Bedrock, I have learned some modern stone age truth. The Flintstones taught me some pterodactyl sized life lessons…
I learned that you can go far through the courtesy of your two feet.
I learned that sometimes it’s fun to shout out complete nonsensical statements…”YABBA DABBA DOO!”
I learned that Fruity Pebbles are delicious. They are the GREATEST sugary breakfast food EVER designed to look like brightly colored miniature rocks!
I learned that history matters. Even if it’s made up cartoon history. Because, HEY! meet the Flintstones…they’re a page right out of history.
I learned from the Loyal Order of Water Buffalo that if you have to know a secret handshake to enter a room, you probably don’t want to go there. Because the Grand Pooh Bah is just going to make you wear a funny hat. Find friends who accept you for you.
While we are on the subject of friends…
I learned that EVERYBODY needs a Barney. Barney Rubble wasn’t perfect but he was a really good friend. He was so much more than a little bowling buddy, he had Fred’s back. He was kind, and loyal, and he had a crazy laugh that always brought the party. Find a Barney!!
I learned that you should hang out with people who are smarter than you, Wilma was definitely smarter than Fred. She made him better.
I learned that sometimes the STRONGEST person in the room is the SMALLEST person in the room. Bam Bam was a terminator toddler. He was a little beast who often got underestimated. Don’t measure might by size, there’s so much more to true strength!
I learned that life is better when you have a purple pet dinosaur that you can talk to when you’re lonely. If you can’t find a Dino, adopt a rescue dog or cat!
I learned that you should try to be kind to people who are different from you EVEN if they are jerks. Fred and Barney met the Great Gazoo, he was a tiny green alien who had been exiled from his home planet. He got Fred and Barney into a lot of trouble while continually calling them dum dums.
They still tried to help the little floating jerk get home.
And, while we are on the subject of jerks…
I learned that if you somehow ever find yourself in a position of authority, don’t be a jerk. Mr. Slate was a horrible boss. He was mean and selfish. He was also pretty relatable because we have all known bosses and authority figures like that.
Don’t be Mr. Slate.
I learned that someday, maybe Fred will win the fight…
He had hope…
and because of that he never gave up!! Same with us, no matter how many times we get locked out, we should never quit. Someday, maybe we will win the fight, there is hope.
I learned that many times we “fall in love” with people, ideas, or things only because we really don’t see clearly. When we see the truth it changes things.
Here’s an embarrassing confession…
Wilma Flintstone was my first crush.
Seriously.
It was a forbidden love…
I was four years old.
She wasn’t actually real…
But, I was pretty sure that she was my soulmate. Fred didn’t deserve her, he was a total Neanderthal.
I wanted to go to Bedrock and rescue her.
I know that sounds a little freaky.
Let me explain…
I am blind in my left eye. I have been since birth. There was a time, when I was four, that a very…ummm…compassionate eye doctor told my parents that I was faking it. He proposed that I was just acting half blind for attention, and that my eye wasn’t blind, just lazy. He had a…ummm…fantastic idea, He suggested that they should force me to use my sluggish eyeball. The solution seemed quite clear, put an eye patch on my right eye and then my left eye would kick in and start pulling it’s weight.
And so, my one good eye was covered by an eyepatch. I walked around like a two foot tall drunken caveman. I ran into walls and furniture. I fell down a lot. AND, I developed a very confusing first crush…with a cartoon that I couldn’t see. I listened to the Flintstones everyday. I guess there was something about her voice that was soothing to me. It awakened a great, albeit really weird, affection in me.
I was smitten.
Then one day, my parents took pity on me and the eyepatch was lifted.
That changed everything.
I realized Wilma was pretty one dimensional.
I realized that we really didn’t have a future.
And finally…
I learned that when you’re with the Flintstones you are sure to have a yabba-dabba-doo time.
carbonated joy 