Night of the Living Microwave Burrito.

Posted: March 21, 2017 in Uncategorized

It was a dark and stormy night, I parked my Prius in front of the Hi-View Mini-Mart. I got out of the car and stumbled into the chilly convenience store. It seemed to be abandoned. There, beside the cash register was beef jerky and sunflower seeds. I walked past the candy bars and 87 different varieties of potato chips. The colorful slushee machine sat over in the corner making a foreboding humming noise. There was a Hall and Oates song quietly playing over the intercom.
It was all very surreal.
But, then, suddenly, i saw it, the holy grail of convenience store grub, it sat in a dusty display case…a cellophane wrapped burrito that I swear was glowing. It almost looked otherworldly.
It was a full 12 inches of curious bean and cheese wonder. Despite the strange green glow, it looked delicious and I was hungry.
I opened one end of the package and threw it into the scruffy looking microwave. I set the timer for the suggested two minutes and waited, for my dinner bell to ring.
It was interesting…while cooking, the flour tortilla shell became the consistency of crunchy leather.
Part of the burrito was still frozen and part was mouth blistering hot. I grabbed a plastic spork and dug into the nuked nutritiousness.
I ate it.
I ate it all, even the frozen and crunchy parts.
I ate it all and I thought that was all…
But…I was wrong…
So very wrong…
dreadfully, stomach churningly wrong…
2 hours and 37 minutes later, the burrito returned!
It was ALIVE…in the deepest part of me.
It was back in all its greasy glory.
It seemed to be fighting it’s way out of my tummy like a over caffeinated jungle cat trying to escape out of a cardboard box.
I thought I was going to die.
I thought I was going to explode…literally.
I wished I would explode…literally.
There was a strange fire within me.
Strange guttural noises were coming out of my…well…gut.
Toxic fumes were escaping my body.

But then, I…woke up! It had all been a really disturbing dream caused by a bad chimichanga.


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