Long nights and special days.

Posted: March 23, 2019 in Postcards from Cancerland.


There are only a few things I hate…

I hate cilantro.
I hate high top tables and tall urinals.
I hate conformity.
I hate liver.
But I really, really hate cancer.
It steals life.
It steals life out of special days.
Last night we had to come to the emergency room again.
I was having the same symptoms that I had a few weeks ago when I was internally bleeding.
I was dry heaving (fun Friday night activity). My back was hurting and I was weak. My hemoglobin has been dropping.
We called my oncologist and he was really concerned. He said to go to the ER.
So, we did. I was assigned my hospital issued mini gown and we sat in the ER for hours. Our dear friends, Mike and Rose, sat with us. I had a late night CAT scan. I accidentally flashed them a few times.
I got admitted and given a few blood tests. They found a little blood in my stools (look at me, I used the semi-scientific word for poop).
They are watching my levels the next twenty three hours to see if they get better, stay the same, or decrease. A decrease would tell us that there is bleeding happening.
My room looks like an old school dorm room. It is part of the old wing of the hospital. This room has stories. Now my story is soaked into the beige walls.
The lady in the room next to me passed away in the night. There were people running around in the hallway shouting words like “code blue”. It was loud and chaotic.
Then everything stilled.
Which brings me back to my point…
I really, really hate cancer.
It steals life.
It steals life out of special days.
Two of my friends got married today.
Two incredible young people that I love very much.
Alex and Katie.
This is their special day.
But, instead of sitting on the fourth row wearing uncomfortable shoes I’m laying in a hospital bed with a basketball game playing in the background.
I hate that.
Two of our friends came to visit us from Illinois. Larry and Raelene. Raelene is Diana’s first friend. They are amazing people with amazing stories. I wanted to hang out with them, maybe have a purée party. Instead we had to leave them on their home.
I really, really hate cancer.
It steals life.
It steals life out of special days.
But this is my hope…
“The Lord says, ‘I will give you back what you have lost.”
During my long night, I sporadically dreamt of many more special days…
Hanging on the beach with Diana.
Watching the Moonpie walk down the aisle.
Dinners with friends.
I’m coming for you.

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