Another Night on the Tilt-A-Whirl.

Posted: September 30, 2018 in Postcards from Cancerland.



The week after chemo treatment can get a little crazy and crunchy. 

I don’t totally know what to expect.

It can be a combo platter of jittery and exhaustion. Weird stuff has happened to my skin and I walk like a toddler on Benadryl. 

My train of thought frequently gets derailed.

It’s all wild, but, nighttime is the wildest.

The chemo drugs seem to be nocturnal and they like to party all night long.

After a rough night before, I really…REALLY wanted a good night’s sleep last night.

I handed in my ticket and I was hoping for a nice, relaxing lazy river of dreams.

Instead, I got another night on the Tilt-A-Whirl.

Do you remember the Tilt-A-Whirl at the Fair or amusement park? There was a rotating platform that raised and lowered itself and hurled spinning cars around. It was a herky jerky wrestling match between centrifugal force and gravitational pull.

It was calculated chaos!!

You are basically spinning in 13 different directions while trying to keep from throwing up your corndog. 

That’s bedtime for me right now!

I’ve heard a windstorm in my head and I’ve seen fireworks on the back of my eyelids every time I shut my eyes. I got to admit that the fireworks are kinda cool…I’ve seen flashes of purple and green and once last night I swear I saw a neon orange Elvis head. 

I know it’s only temporary, it should settle down the next few days as the poison does its job.

So I grab the guardrail and hang onto the Tilt-A-Whirl.

But, here’s the crazy thing about the Tilt-A-Whirl…

As a kid, it was always one of my favorites. 

I loved trading my ticket for a chance to spin. 

It made me want to throw up, but it also made me feel fully alive.

There was something about the wildness and unpredictability that awakened my senses.

My current Tilt-A-Whirl is doing the same thing…

I’m still here!

So are you!

Sometimes life makes you want to throw your hands in the air and laugh.

Sometimes life jerks you around.

Sometimes life makes you want to throw up.

Pleasure, pursuit, and pain are all proof of life. 

I don’t know what you are going through right now.

Maybe you’re on your own personal Tilt-A-Whirl.

But the fact that you are reading this means…


There is still hope.

There is still a chance to make a difference or to make things right.

There is still a chance to feel and forgive, to laugh and to love. 

There is still a chance for a miracle. 

It might get a little crazy and crunchy in the meantime. 

Grab the guardrail and hold on! 

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