Born to be Wild?

Posted: July 19, 2016 in Uncategorized



I get asked a lot if I’m a biker.
I think it might be the weird beard.
I have a chullet (a chin mullet).
When you have crazy facial hair, you get asked a lot of crazy questions.
I also get asked…
Are you homeless?
Are you Santa Claus?
Are you the Travelocity Gnome?
But mostly, I get asked, are you a biker?
I get that a lot.
I’m alright with that.
Some of the coolest people I know are bikers.
I want to be a biker!
I have huge biker dreams!
I get a Harley Davidson shirt (or 2) anytime we travel.
I want to be a biker. I like the style and swagger.
I now have a bunch of Harley shirts, hats and do-rags.
I dream of jumping on a hog and riding to Sturgis, popping wheelies and making some noise. I long to feel the wind in my chullet.
I dream of getting my motor running and heading out to the highway. To look for adventure in whatever comes my way.
There’s something so wild, free and beautiful about that!!
I have the clothes, I have the attitude, I just don’t have the skills.
There are some things that prevent me from being the easy rider…
For starters, my legs are like 14 inches long, seriously! That complicates things and makes it hard to reach the pedals and keep a motorcycle upright. I would need a booster seat and possibly training wheels.
I’m also blind in one eye. I have no depth perception and I usually can’t see things on my left side. That might be a problem on the open road.
And on an annoying side note, I have a freakishly huge noggin. This makes it hard to find a cool helmet. I would have to wear a colander or possibly a large bucket with one eyehole…not the renegade vibe I’m going for!
I’m an unapologetic wannabe biker.
I do want to point out that a wannabe is totally different from a poser.
Here’s the difference, in my heart I WANNABE a biker, in my brain I know it’s probably not gonna happen. BUT, I follow my heart and I look the part. But I’m honest about it and so I’m not a poser.

My motorcycle driving career was short lived, it was about 7 minutes long. I was in middle school at my friend’s house. He had a new dirt bike. I was watching him ride in his pasture. He asked me if I wanted to ride. I said ummm…YES! He gave me a quick lesson in gears and clutches, most of which went in one ear and out the other. I just wanted to go fast. I hopped on and gunned it. I drove straight through the side of his barn. That was embarrassing and painful. His stepdad was not a happy man.
I haven’t ridden a motorbike since then.
But, I WANT to be a biker.
I have this unhinged sense of adventure and curiosity.
The good news is that I wed wild.
My wife is an amazing lady with a sense of adventure and some serious skills.
She is a much better driver than me and I am man enough to boldly admit that!
So we might have a solution…
She will drive the bike and I will be her biker babe.
I will sit on the back and hold onto her, or I could ride in a sidecar.
I think we all need to find our own ways to be wild and free, even if it’s in a sidecar.
Work together to achieve independence!
So if you see a chubby dude with a chullet riding on the back of a Harley being driven by a beautiful blonde, make sure and honk and wave, and find your own way to be wild and free.

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